I am back to my blog after a difficult month. I have seen first hand more clearly than ever before that we choose our path in life everyday. For those that may not know, Hal and I had a miscarriage. I have had to choose over the past couple of weeks which path of thought I will take. I have had the emotional thoughts of, "Why us", "I believe we are decent parents--we definitely try", "I dedicate my time and energy to help save precious little lives. Why would God take this one from me?", "We do try; we fail everyday, but we try to live our lives pleasing to God. Is this our reward?","Why would God give our baby a heart beat and then take it away. Why would God take being a big sister, 'The best big sister ever' from Addison.""My husband tries so hard to be a great father and husband, he doesn't deserve this pain... why, why, why???". These thoughts of course seep into my mind. Then I must make a decision to stay there or to take a dear friend's advice and "Go There! But do not stay there!!". I have revisited this advice often. It is human to wonder, to get angry, to cry, to hurt. Where we find our faith is when we choose to stay on the narrow path. I am hurt. I miss my baby. I grieve for the life it will not have. I mourn the events our family will never see with our angel because it is in heaven. BUT I know God has a plan for our lives. I choose to take the path of thankfulness and preserverance. I am thankful for the two wonderful children that we have. I am thankful that I did not have an emergency situation and that my care was second to none. I am grateful that God has restored our baby and taken her/him to live with Him. I am thankful so much for our church family, earthly family and incredible prayer warriors that God has placed in our lives who lifted us up to our Father and supported us through this experience.
The Devil uses tragedy to destroy our faith and to give ammunition to nonbelievers. A nonbeliever would use tragedy to try to discredit your faith. Faith is maintaining your belief in spite of anything that you encounter in life. Faith is knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that your Heavenly Father is not punishing you but the One who is carrying you through.
Thank you, Saran, for the words of Godly wisdom!
I am so sorry to hear this. I, too, miscarried a baby at 19 weeks....it was devestating. I still think about it often and wonder what that child would be doing if she were here today, BUT that situation led me to my three adopted boys and I am so thankful for them. I don't know if I would have ever been awakened to the orphan crisis around the world. I know that doesn't take the place/pain away, but it makes me think that she saved her brother's lives and that makes me smile. Will be praying for you and I love the advise about visiting that dark place, but not staying there.
ReplyDeletePenny, I have been praying for you, Hal, Caleb and Addison. I know too well of your loss, hurt and confusion. You are a believer and rest assured God makes no mistakes. Your precious little one is watching over you in heaven. Keep trusting and believing in God because he knows your heart. He will bless you more than you can ever imagine. I love you and you are my sister in christ.
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